um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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