Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

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(785): View more from Kansas

You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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(513): View more from Ohio

there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...

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(989): View more from Michigan

R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm

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