I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
