did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
