walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Even my vagina gasped.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
