4 words: hood of his car
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i've created a new STD.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
