my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
