I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
