Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
