I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
