it's not cheating when I paid for it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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