That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
