two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
