i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
