she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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