Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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