I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
