he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All the doctor said was why
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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