We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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