I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
