We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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