I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
