I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
