she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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