You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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