i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
