every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
