He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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