2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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