Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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