how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
