walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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