I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
