i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
