There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
