it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
