im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're so committed to being not committed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
