woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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