Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
