a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
