Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
