The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
