Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
