After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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