Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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