It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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