just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's blow job season.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
