I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
