This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
