Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
