At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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